My Sunshine

I knew one day I would get "the call".  The call that would give me a gaping hole in my heart.  In the back of my mind, I knew this day would come and I would try not to acknowledge the thought.  I would file it away and lock up the cabinet.  It has been two weeks since I got "the call"...two weeks since I experienced the worst heartache I have ever felt...two weeks since my Dad called me to tell me my Papa passed away.

I had just a few days to prepare for the possibility since I knew he wasn't doing so well.  But really...you can never prepare yourself for that.  I DIDN'T want to.  I wasn't ready.  I wasn't EVER going to be.  When I found out, I cried.  I cried ALOT.  Then I would go through periods where I would feel okay.  Thinking about my Papa and talking about him out loud with my family or with my close friends made me cry and feel tremendously sad.  The days that followed went like that.  A whole seven days passed before I would go back home to Olympia to be with my family and to be in my grandparent's home (I like to refer to it as Grand Central), smell and rummage through his belongings and just sit and reminisce about our beloved Papa. 

I have a lot of great memories of my Papa and talking about them with my family really helped me find comfort with his passing.  My Papa was a wonderful, loving, generous and honorable man.  I will cherish everything he has passed on to me and everything we shared...even what seemed to be an endless amount of time kneeling and praying the rosary, all the songs he played for us and sang to us (my personal fav is You are My Sunshine) and for the sweettooth he helped me grow...thanks to all the chocolate (Hershey bars) he loved to give us.  I will always remember staying up late and sitting in his lap to watch WWF, joining him to run errands around town, herding the cows, the vegetable gardens he grew, the pigs and cows he raised (and ate), how he used duck tape as a solution to repair anything and everything, the way he made his own candles, his love for whiskey and inviting anyone who came by to have a drink with him, the way he used to sing and dance...and smile, the childish ways he would charm my Grandma, how he used rice as a means to glue a stamp to an envelope, the many hats he wore, how he slept with a blanket over his head (like Drew Bear), the bullet wounds he proudly wore from surviving the Bataan Death March and fighting in WWII and the Korean War, and the many words of wisdom he shared with me and that I find myself sharing with my daughter.  There are just SO many memories and all of these comfort me.  My Papa lived a great, long life and he left behind a wonderful family.  A family I feel so proud and grateful to be a part of.

I miss my Papa so much.  I had been okay the last couple of days but this morning I became sad again. I was out running and looking out towards the mountains, where all the land was green and looked beautiful (think Sound of Music) and it made me think of him.  The sun was shining so brightly, like he was watching over me and I felt like crying again, because I think he was--sending me a message--singing our favorite song...You are my sunshine...my only sunshine...

Thank you Papa.  Thank you for being the best Papa a girl could have.  I love you and I can't wait until we meet again.